Not a letter to, but a conversation with.

Why a conversation? Because she was talking to me, and I had some things to get off my chest, too.

Why 8? Well, at 8 years old I was dropped on my head (literally), and it was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.

———-

Her (my 8 y/o self): What happened to you?

Me: What do you mean?

Her: What happened to you?

Me: (flooded with memories, already feeling convicted) I don’t know…

Her: (cuts me off) You don’t know what I’m talking about or you don’t know what happened to you?

Me: Both, I guess?

Her: Remember when they announced cheerleading tryouts in school? You weren’t even 8 yet. 3rd grade. New School. You had never cheered a day in your life. I don’t know what possessed you to sign up, bring the slip home, get your shorts and tennis shoes ready the night before and just….go for it.

Me: Me neither, honestly.

Her: You had no idea what to expect. You weren’t thinking about anyone or anything else. You just wanted to do it, so you went for it.

Me: I feel like life isn’t that simple anymore.

Her: The first day of tryouts came and went. You got home and practiced, practiced, practiced.

“Take it to the top, the Eagles can’t be stopped!” Remember?

Me: I was so young…

Her: The second day came, and you tried out. You couldn’t stop thinking about the results. You checked. Your name was on the list. You were sooo happy. That was only the first hurdle, though.

Me: Don’t remind me.

Her: You started going to practices. They made you a flier, you were so small. You had never been lifted in the air before. It was sooo scary. But you didn’t let that stop you. You watched closely, you listened carefully, and you learned. And you trained. You never missed practice. You became such a good flier.

Me: (laughing) Remember when I thought a toe-touch meant lifting up your leg and touching your toe? I’ll never forget the day my coach called me out on it.

Her: She said, “um Funmi, what are you doing?” You didn’t realize that the motion you were doing was only a placeholder for the real deal, only to be done when there wasn’t enough practice space or we weren’t running the routine “full out”.

Me: I foolishly responded,  “A toe touch”. The whole room erupted in laughter, and so did my coach. I laughed at myself too that day.

Her: And that was also the same day you went home and didn’t sleep until you knew how to do a toe touch. You had never done one before, and hadn’t seen one. But they showed you that night at practice, and you ran with it.

Me: I was really unstoppable, huh?

Her: Yes, you really were.

Me: But then they dropped me. I was in the air, and came down real fast, too fast…and slipped through the hands of those I trusted to catch me. I can’t even remember how it all went down. But I remember the shame, the hurt, the disappointment. My head vibrating. Me wondering if I would be okay. Scared….

Her: Yeah, I know. I was there. But what happened? Did you quit? Even when mom wanted to pull you off the team? Even when coach told you to sit out? No. What happened?

Me: I got up. I insisted I was okay. Because I knew I would be. At that tender age, I didn’t take “No” with my head hanging. I took every “No” as a champ. Knowing that no matter how long I was down, I was NEVER out.

Her: But somewhere along the way, you started counting yourself out.

Me: Yeah, well enough rejection will do that to you. You’ll see.

Her: So that’s what happened to you.

Me: I guess so. There you have it.

Her: When you got up after that fall, you went on to cheer again, to compete, and to win. You learned what it meant to be unstoppable. To never let your past or even your present, detract your determination for the future.

• SN: I know what you’re thinking. ‘An 8 year old wouldn’t know what the word detract meant’. Well, you’re wrong. Lol I was very sharp at 8.

Me: I was unashamed, therefore unstoppable. I’m re-learning this now, again…and I’m seeing more and more of you in me daily.

Her: I never went away, you just buried me. Not knowing that I was a seed. The soil is ripe now.

Me: I know what to do.

Her: I’ll see you at the finish line, then.

———

I learned so many lessons at 8. This conversation was a much needed reminder.

Takeaways:

• Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself.
• People won’t always be there to break your fall.
• Pay attention, and train vigorously. Train until you get it right.
• Sometimes, you have to be your own cheerleader.
• You never know what you can achieve when you just decide to go for it.
• Tunnel vision is an important attribute to accomplishing greatness.
• Own your imperfections but don’t wallow in them. When you are unashamed, you’re unstoppable.

I felt more vulnerable writing this than I do sharing it. Hoping it inspires you to heal, the way it did me. Praying we all find the fearlessness of our youth and take on the things that challenge us.

Signed: PJ, w/ love.